Have you ever been on a trip with friends or dare I say it…family? If you answered yes to any one of those you have experienced a pet peeve while traveling.

 

Pet peeves…it’s a silly term. You break it apart and the word pet is a pleasing noun for me. I love pets! However, the word peeves is annoying to start with, like scratching Styrofoam with your fingernails. Just thinking about that sends shivers through my body.

So why would you want to feel like that on vacation? You don’t, n one of us do. Yet we pack them along time and time again. When I’m traveling the last thing I want to pack is a pet peeve.

I thought about every vacation I have taken and recall the least enjoyable trips have one common denominator…Humans! To be more specific it’s the one’s traveling with me.

 

People are generally kind of great (most of them.) That’s because our entire lives we’ve been trained to be polite, accept what is and avoid questioning the “why” as much as possible.

We are slaves to complacency. Who really wants to cause a scene? It often leads to a front row seat to your very own drama festival. So instead we swallow that bitter tasting lump of pride (as politely and quietly as possible of course) because it seems easier than facing the “ordeal” it’s guaranteed to create.

The truth is not everyone is that great, some people are kind of assholes. Admit it, we’ve all had our own moments where we exposed a side of ourselves that we regret letting out. I have, so guess what? You probably have too.

For most of us we never meant for this side of us to show. Blame it on stress or frustration or plain tiredness. Despite aiming to always the best version of you something is bound to get on your nerves and cause you to lose your cool. When this happens we lash out to anyone within vocal range. It may be a stranger on a flight or your closest friend and often even the love of your life.

So how do you keep yourself from bringing this bitter moment along  for a ride when travelling? We can’t stop interacting with people. Unfortunately we are everywhere! We just need to chose wisely and look a little wider, just enough to envision your travels to the end. Now try it, once you have that crazy look on your face when the whites of your eyes surrounding the pupil are visible ask yourself these questions.

Do I want to eat, sleep, shower and to be frank, poop with these people for that much time?  Are you willing to babysit when someone can’t control their liquor? Are you prepared to pay their way? Will you be able to lose that feeling of obligation when it truly is not yours?

 

Someone will have to cater to the others needs at their expense. Its safe to say you’ll have a schedule stuck to you in hopes that everyone gets the most out of their  vacation. Chances are pretty high you’ll get stuck covering an unplanned expense for another due to a lack of preparation on their part.

These are all scenarios I found myself in every time I travelled with others. Regrettably I  would quietly start sprouting unnecessary resentment towards these people I actually liked and loved. It wasn’t their fault, it just happens. It’s human nature to destroy anything we can.

Every one of us have been trained to walk, talk and mock just right.

As humans we are fantastic at showing just a skin deep level of who we really are. So when we look at people in mass quantities there is an overload of insincere excuse me, thank you and your welcomes. When you take the blinders off you see we are TANTRUM THROWING, CONTROLLING, INSECURE, SCARED, COCKY CREATIONS.

Put yourself in the majority of any social setting, you’re going to only see the pleasant, skin deep versions of people. That’s why it’s so important who you chose to spend your time with. Second, be very selective in who you chose to travel with.

May I suggest my first tip?

Travel with no-one!

And no, that time you flew solo to a location just to see good old grandma or other friends does not count.

In order to qualify as a for real, legit solo traveler you have to plan your trip on your own, research the area, find the best places for you to stay, provide your own funding for the adventure and when you get there you don’t know a soul. But you set off on your adventure and explore, all alone!

In a day and age when the solo female traveler is the trendiest thing to do  I still get blown away how often I hear a woman say that they could never go to a movie or a restaurant alone, let alone travel to an unknown place alone. You’ve got to be kidding me!

So I asked them why and some said they would be too embarrassed. Others admitted they’re too self conscious and insecure to be seen alone in a restaurant or at a hotel. Most didn’t have a reason. Well, I do, you’re waiting to meet and get to know your own true self!

Which leads me to my second tip.

Get uncomfortable!

I promise it will only lead to a better experience and broader perspective on life.

Step out of your comfort zone, you may feel some insecurities creep up on you but they hate this area more than you. Which makes them hit the road pretty quick.  Don’t seek familiar, seek something strange!

You wouldn’t know it by my smile bit I was quite uncomfortable. I searched for Coral Beach just to find it in time for a massive storm. I’m drenched, cold and wind blown but I am having the time of my life!

 

Toss your schedule in the trash and try winging it for a few weeks in a different country. I guarantee you will see more unique sights, meet more interesting people and enjoy far more wildly absurd experiences than if you sat on a tour bus and turned your head whichever direction the tour guide commanded.

Maybe it’s not an official “tour guide” it could be a braggart. A friend recently traveled through Europe with some friends and her group had a braggart. It drove her nuts hearing about how much he’s accomplished, how successful and smart he is. So smart he could give locals directions whether they asked for it or not. His voice booming over the noise from the trains  and traffic. Spouting his self proclaimed sense of direction and expertise on anything and everything!

I am surprised she didn’t knock him out considering how well I know her and her style. I bet it was that engrained politeness we all have that kept her from causing an “ordeal” so she endured. But why endure braggarts if you don’t have too? When you could be meeting new people and building new friendships. Solo travel sets the stage for this perfectly.

If you’ve read this far I can understand if you’re thinking I hate people. I promise, I like people! So much that I seek any opportunity that allows me to meet new and diverse individuals. Personally I prefer a variety of humans in my life. I have been lucky with some real gems! Which leads me to my favorite tip.

 

Find yourself a Pen pal!

Find yourself a Pen pal!

The simple art of a letter sent through the post is sadly a dying art. I was reintroduced to this treasure the last time I was in Scotland. I noticed an adorable old man pushing his bicycle along the cobblestoned streets of Inverness. He was wearing shiny brown loafers, wool dress slacks with a wool sweater over a button up dress shirt. Topped of with a dress coat and a tweed Stetson cap! Mr. Danny was looking sharp.

Although I took note of this gentleman first he was the one to make contact. Our eyes met and we both smiled. He pushed his bicycle up to the stone wall where it could rest upright and introduced himself. Mr. Danny was a genuine picture perfect sweet little old man.

We spoke to each other in that little alleyway next to a haunted graveyard for quite some time. I don’t know how long exactly. Our conversation was so pleasant the earth dropped out beneath us taking time with it. He was so interested learning  where I was from, what I did for a living and the names of my dog and family. I learned what church he attended, when his wife passed away and where his favorite bookstore is located. He also schooled me in his beliefs of the power of prayer!

At the end of our encounter I asked if I could take a picture of the two of us. I pulled out my iPhone and got ready to take a selfie of the two of us. I realized this was the first time he had seen himself on an iPhone and this wise old man was so intrigued by a modern tool us young, ignorants take for granted!. He made a comment about us just as I took the photo. I discovered later I captured his comment on the live mode. I love this photo and replay it in live mode often. His squeaky scottish brough speaking with such charm.  “We’re quite nice looking!”

When we parted ways Mr. Danny asked if would send him a postcard when I returned home.  I agreed and he gave me his address then asked for mine before he gave me a kiss on the cheek and scooted his bicycle towards the River Ness.

I didn’t take much note at the time of his request but I made sure I put the piece of paper he wrote his address on in a safe place. When I returned home I read the paper and realized I couldn’t read his handwriting! It was a mix of calligraphy and cursive with a little shake in the hands. So as I pursued the ancient art of writing a letter and sending it through the post I used good old fashion technology to do a little background check to determine the name of the street he lived on.

Thankfully modern technology makes it practically impossible to not locate a person. I found the streets name and sent Mr. Danny’s not one but two postcards from my home town in Park City, Utah. Then I waited, I waited for nearly two months and almost gave up. Finally it arrived, inside my mailbox was an old airmail envelope. The last time I had seen one of these was when my brothers lived in Germany in the late 1980’s and 1990’s. Instantly knew it was from Mr. Danny when I saw the handwriting.

Discover new traditions

And so it began on a cobblestoned road near a graveyard. I was reintroduced to the art of a Pen Pal. We have exchanged many letters since that day, I found a friend in Mr. Danny and he gave me back the gift a handwritten letter sent very slowly through the post.

I know I met Mr. Danny because I was alone. A friendship developed from that day that has great value to me. My number 3  tip is a really special tip. I highly recommend you find a Penpal next time you are away from home.

Thanks to Mr. Danny I have made this a tradition whenever I travel. It could be the excuse you need to help you get out and explore. A mission if you wish.  For those who are too embarrassed or too insecure to do something alone let this be your purpose. Have one goal, to meet someone new, someone different and maintain a friendship through handwritten notes. It will encourage you to find more friends in foreign locations and share each other’s cultures and traditions with one another. 

Learn to be brave!

The world isn’t so scary out there. I have learned that the scariest things happen right inside your own home. So be brave, be open minded, get out of your comfort zone and really get to know yourself. Let your insecurities fall away as you walk with a purpose with your head held high and while you are all alone!

The more you put yourself in unfamiliar places the more self-aware you’ll become. With self awareness comes bravery and better intuition. Danger no longer catches you off guard because of this new sense of awareness that you gained.

Since my first solo trip many years ago I can say I am a changed woman. I’m far more outspoken, outgoing and adventurous when I’m away from the comforts of home. When you travel all your troubles get left behind. I can feel the weight lift off my shoulders the moment I board the plane. Travel is truly good for the soul.

Traveling solo not only heals your soul but strengthens every wonderful characteristic that makes us individuals. When you place yourself somewhere unfamiliar and alone your internal navigation comes alive. The more you do this the better at mastering all the cool tricks and tips that travel bloggers share with the world.

I hope you can learn from mine and take these 5 recommendations and apply them to your next vacation.

If traveling abroad is not in store for you right now that’s okay. Consider being a tourist in your own town. Book a room at the hotel and explore areas you take for granted. You can still apply these steps successfully in a local setting.

Remember you don’t have to venture far to step out of your comfort zone, just far enough that you are a little uncomfortable.

 

Smile at strangers, let someone buy you a drink knowing you don’t have to give them anything but respect in return.

Leave your friends and family behind. When you return you’ll arrive with new friends and experiences to share with them. Your friends and family want to hear how great your trip was not how it could have been better if so and so didn’t do this or that.

Explore with your eyes wide open. Remember facing your fears is a hell of a lot better than running from them. Once you have traveled solo and explored on your own you’ll learn your fears aren’t as big as you thought. Life can be grand again and repay you in ways you never imagined if you just take the initiative to step out of your comfort zone.

“Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.”

Oscar Wilde

I hope you can take my mistakes and use them for your own experiences. The world is a big place but not so big that we can’t stop and appreciate the diversity it holds.

Thanks for coming along on my journey.

~Steph